I used to be Tough

I used to be Tough

"Yo I was scared of you, I would see you in the hallways and I swore that if I said the wrong thing to you I would get slapped"
-Rebeca Moore

Son! What has happened to the Bull!? Lol

What's going on ya? That quote is from a girl I was good friends with in High School and college. It was in reference to my demeanor. She's since seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth though. So if you see her or know where she may be tell her Eno said hello.

So the other day Buddy tagged me in this post.

The caption was something along the lines of "When you used to be tough but now you're a father" I laughed harder than.... I don't know what! I laughed because of the accuracy b! Lmao.

Check this out right: the quote you just read is only one of the many that I've heard in my day. I was always told I looked like I was going to slap someone, or was always told I need to smile and "Fix my Face" but what people failed to realize is that I was walking around with this screw face on purpose. I called it my "Outdoor Face" and I feel it protected me from a lot. Niggas handing out mixtapes, missionaries trying to get me to donate to some organization, people asking me for the time. You know, the bullshit!

However I think I might of lost some of that edge ever since Zairah was born. These days I'm smiling more, making silly ass baby voices and laughing at small shit. I think having a daughter has made me more inviting to people and I hate it. Lol

Case in point the other day at work, 3 completely different strangers felt comfortable enough with me to share life stories with me. I couldn't figure it out til I really stopped and thought about it. "Nigga you smiling at em, why wouldn't they stop and tell you about the last time they had to wait for the elevator!?" I was disgusted with myself. Lmao. Don't get me wrong I actually am a happy person and I always have been. Life is good! However I've made it this far because of my "Outdoor Face" it's kept strangers a little passed arms length and has served as a barrier between me and whatever sucker who felt he might want to test me. And it always worked. In fact I have a co-worker and good friend Bennie. Any time Bennie would see me in the hallway or coming back to the floor at work he would ask me "you ok man?" And I would reply "yeah why? What happened?" And he would proceed to tell me that I looked angry or like I wanted to kill someone. He hasn't asked me if I'm ok in reference to a mean look on my face in months. Lol

Nah G! I gotta get my ice grill back to what it was. I must be listening to too much Justin Timberlake and not enough Wu-Tang! But I'm about to bring back the mother fuckin ruckus! Tiger style! Lol

So what is it? I mean like I said Life is Good b. Maybe at some point I told myself out loud and just started smiling and laughing and making people think I'm some sweet ass Santa Clause type nigga. Maybe it's my job, you know how it is at work, they always want you smiling and making others comfortable. And to that I say "Fuck outta here, Fam!" Lol. Or maybe having a beautiful daughter has just softened me up! But how the hell am I supposed to put the fear of God in little boys with a smile on my face?

So last night Buddy asked if I had a black bandana or if I still had my prop gun. I looked at him with shame in my eyes. "Nah man, I ain't got none of that shit no more. I'm a father now b. I got rattles and a rubber ducky if you need it, but I need em back before bath time tomorrow. I'm a father now g!" We both laughed so hard! Damn son, I'm a father now. I used to be tough........

Lol! So I hereby vow to get back my "Outdoor Face" everyone from hoes to doctors will feel like they'll catch 5 hot fingers to the face if they even lock eyes with me. I'm gonna be tougher than Ving Rhames in those ADT commercials. Put a lil more bass in my voice and walk just a little bit stronger! No more jolly fat boy with the pillsbury dough boy laugh! Straight Thug Life nigga! Lol. Only those who know me personally will see the me for the gentle giant that I truly am.

So if you see me in the street, go the other way you heard. I ain't as friendly as you think! Lol


Peace.