Wednesday, August 12, 2015

You Lost One

Bull Penners what's been up since we've last spoken!? I know it's been a while and I have no words other than sorry. Life has been happening around me and I've had very little time to document anything aside from Instagram lol.

But I digress. If you've been on Facebook lately than you've seen the new feature where it gives you your post this day in the past. Personally, I love the feature. It shows you how much you've grown and how you thought in the past as apposed to now. The feature also gives you old pictures that you posted., and that is where this blog post begins. Lol
Today a picture of an old friend of my brothers came up on the feed. He's an old friend for reason I feel I have no right to discuss (I don't share or spread other people's personal affairs) but it did remind me of the times when he was around. Needless to say he became my friend as well. Due to loyalty to my brother however we are no longer in contact.That reminded me however, of "friends" that I've lost in my life. And by lost I don't mean friends who have died but..... I'll explain.
I remember a time when my mom told me something along the lines of "You're real funny with your friends" and she didn't mean it like Ha-Ha, comedian funny. She wasn't lying but let me tell my side of things.

Naturally we outgrow our friends, don't we. The earliest friend (that wasn't blood related) that I could remember was Cory. Now, as I'm writing this I realize that Cory was the exact opposite of me. Lol. He was tall. slim. athletic, got excellent grades and was a serious ladies man! And this was all before 6th grade. I honestly can't remember what brought us together as friends but me being a great judge of character (even back then) I knew he was cool. I was right and from 5th grade (when I transferred to St. Joseph School-where he already was) til a bit passed 8th we were as they say 2 peas in a pod. We had the that usual elementary best friend relationship: "Did you see (girls name here) butt in her skirt today!?" "I'm gonna ask her out tomorrow" "Yo, did you see that game!?" "Look what I drew last night" "My mom said you can come over, bring (video game title here) I'm gonna bust ya ass this time" you know the usual.

But by high school we slowly began to drift apart as some friends do. We did what we could to maintain a friendship but you know how it goes. You're in high school and your focus changes from Playstation and Cartoons to Girls and their body parts! Lmao. Although to be honest I can remember being a little girl-crazy pervert at the age of 7 (first grade) and being completely infatuated with them by the time I was 11. Guess there's no wonder why I had a daughter. Dear God, please take it easy on me! Lol
But any attempt to maintain a friendship with my homie was mostly catching up and comparing stories of High School life. Somewhere along the lines tho the communication slowed down and before you knew it we just didn't speak anymore.

But Truthfully if Cory were to resurface and find his way to my doorstep today I would still welcome him with open arms and attempt to catch up!
And then there was another friend (who shall remain nameless-because no sucker I no longer rock with will earn any shine off me. Lol)

The other "friend" was one I met through Cory. Similar interests is what brought us all together. The other friend was the leach type. Would show up to my house before me, would invite himself to everything and naturally we just got cool. He was in my class so I already knew him we just weren't friends til Cory brought him around.

So I would say around the same time me and Cory were communicating a little less the other friend was beginning his Anti-Eno slander campaign with everyone from my neighbor (a girl we all hung out with who lived downstairs from me) to even Cory. Behind my back this guy started talking shit about me and I swear I NEVER did anything for him to feel any kind of negative way towards me. Believe me, if I did I would admit to it.I confronted him about the situation and of course he denied it. However I confirmed with a few other people and sure enough when I confronted him about it again it resulted in coming dangerously close to a fist fight that my mom had to break up (Lucky him) lol.

It took some time for me to realize that he was never a friend. Hence the quotation marks. But it comes back to my moms words. Me being funny with friends.But it's not so much that I'm funny it's more so that since a young age I've been able to live my life without depending on friendship from anyone. I mean think about it: I come from a family of damn near 120 people maybe even more. I have 5 handfuls of cousins make and female, my age, older and younger. I'm blessed. I don't need friends. And I know that may sound cruel but it's the Gods honest truth. I am grateful for every single friend I have and to those friends I say to you: if I consider you a friend I damn near consider you family. Wether I contact you every day or just see you on the next hangout, if you are a friend you are appreciated.
It's like they say though: we outgrow our friends, the people in your life are seasons and we all know that the seasons change.

I guess the point of what I'm saying is: yes, perhaps I am funny with friends. Or maybe the reality of it is I treat people how they treat me. And I've never commenced to maintaining any relationship with anyone that I've ever felt crossed me or disrespected me.

With all that said: later friends lol.


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