Saturday, March 31, 2012

Quarter to 8 (Super Random)

Good Morning Bull Penners!

Oaky, so it's 7:45am on a Saturday morning... Yes, Right now! I know, I'm asking myself what I'm doin up too. So I'll tell you. Here goes: Yesterday when I got home from work all I wanted was to enjoy a lil smoke and float away to where ever my body would take me. Kids, don't do drugs! (I feel I have to put that disclaimer up even tho I don't really feel that weed is a drug lol, but anyhoo) So prior to purchasing my medicine, I went to the store to buy munchies, cause there's no way I was gonna walk to the store after I smoked, shit would have felt like it took an hour. So I went, got some salt & vinegar potato chips, some cap'n crunch cereal and a honey roasted turkey sandwich with bacon on a hero. Yea it was that serious.

Came back, went to the back yard and lit my spliff. Lemme tell ya somethin... The highest I ever been was back on July 12th, 2009. I remember it like it was yesterday, it was the night of our company party at Dave and Busters on Time Square back when I was workin at 'TopMan.' Me and a few of my co-workers (I'm leavin out names cause I don't want to indict nobody) decided to pregame HARD! We each got a personal bottle of our liquor of choice and ciphed about 4 blunts which all had a different type of weed in em. For those of you who may be a lil lost on what that means, a cipher is simply a circle of people passing the blunt around takin hits and passin it on. The word comes from Hip-Hop but I won't get into that, I aint google. Movin on, when I tell you I was smacked, I mean 4 fingers, a thumb, and a hot palm straight to the side of my face b! The earth was spinnin diagonally.
^That's the night this was taken.^
Don't know who's Georgi that was, but you see 
me reachin for the ash tray.
Photo: Courtesy of the homie JKissi!

Since I haven't been as high..... Til Last night!
I bought a dime and faced it. Again for those who are stuck, a dime is $10 worth of weed and faced it means I smoked it by myself. After that I took about 3 hits from another blunt that was being ciphed. Son! SON!
Listen to me, the room was spinnin and I don't even know how to describe my vision, you ever see a movie where the camera looks like it was shooting in front of a bunch of fun house mirrors to depict the person going crazy, like drunk or high or delusional or something? That's how everything looked. To the point that I almost even became paranoid. I remember everything clearly. I watched Mike Epps and Donnell Rawlins standup and I thought I was gonna die from the lack of breathing from laughin so hard. Lol. The munchies tasted like fine italian cuisine that's how amazing they tasted. Lol. Afterwards we popped open a bottle of wine that I got at work, it was very sour, but who cares I just think it was very boss of me to smoke a blunt and sip on some fine wine, don't you? Nigga I still even remember my dreams from last night, I think I still may be a liiiiiil high actually. Lol. Good effin times man!
^Just like that I found a reason^
to love my back yard! Lol

Anyway, movin on to the rest of the randomosity that is going on in my head. I'm sittin here patiently waitin for my vacation man! I'm going to Honduras for 10 days. Ooooooowwwweeeee! I cannot wait. 10 days of beach goin, drinkin, partyin and actin a fool without a care in the world. Shit is gonna be epic. I haven't been out there since 06, so you know I'm hype! My bag is already packed, My carry on will be packed by tonight and from there the only thing left to do is wait til the 4th! AAAOOOWWW! Lol.

I just got my passport the other day and I'm very proud of the picture that I used for it. Lol, you know I'm a clown right? I thought to myself: "How effin cool would it be to take the picture for my passport with a bowtie on? Lol I put on a black shirt, black bowtie and got the picture taken. Oh you don't believe me? Peep:
Lookin like my name is 
Eno Muhammad Allah Understanding

My big homie CFK says I look like a Terrorist, and told me not to wear big rubber shoes when I go to the airport. Lololol. I guess that's his way of wishing me luck. Lol
But I don't need any extra luck, you know I always carry my Lucky rabbits foot with me!
Of course I carry a lucky rabbits foot. Lol, nah lemme explain. I'm like the least superstitious person you will ever meet. I don't fear black cats, I'd walk under a ladder if I had to and Friday the 13th is just a cool sounding calandar date to me.
But I will admit I do kinda sorta believe in good and bad luck. A liiiiiiil bit. Lol. When I turned 17 my aunt gave me a "Lucky Dollar" and it's still in my wallet til this day. You wouldn't believe how many times I've been down to my very last nickle and thought to myself, "Fuck it, imma use that buck, but I just can't do it. That dollar is probably one of the reasons why I haven't starved to death! Lol
The other day tho I found another form of luck (for me at least.)
Look what I found on the floor of the 19 bus stop:
^My Lucky Bordeaux Rabbit's Foot^

Lol, are you confused yet? Well pull up a seat, here's where Eno takes pride in teaching his audience something new.
Back in 1992, the greatest basketball player of ALL time, Mr. Michael Jeffrey Air Jordan released the 7th installment in the Jordan sneaker line. The 7's (seen in the picture above in baby size) were worn by Buggs Bunny in the ads for the sneaker which earned them the name "Hare 7's." The hares were this very same style, except in a different color. The Hares were white and red with a greyish color mixed in. So when I found this baby shoe that day I thought to myself, "Oh snap, it's a pair of baby 7's. It aint the hares but it's the same sneaker. And there's only one so it's like I found a rabbits foot" You get it now? Lol Nevermind me man, I'm just pourin out the shit in my head.

I got a new Tattoo..... Wanna see it? NO! Lol.
Nah, I really can't show it tho. It's like my first "Personal" tattoo so to speak. They're all personal, but this one is probably the most personal. 
But I can at least explain how I mean it. 
You've heard the expression "Wears his emotion on his sleeve" right? Basically a person who is very upfront with how they are feelin. They damn near wear it like a mask on their face. Well that's me. There are no grey areas with me and expressin how I feel. You'll know when I'm happy or pissed off, upset, whatever. However, Buddy told me I have to learn to control that. So I'm proud to say that more recently only the people who actually know me know when I'm feelin what I'm feelin. I'm learning not to let everyone in, especially those who I don't know and trust too well. Emotions are a very funny thing and lettin other people know them can lead to them controlling them. And that can be dangerous. So now I almost know how to cover up everything with a smile. My mask is deceiving, not always but you know. But if you know me that well then there's no need for a mask. If I trust you then I can show you my emotions comfortably. 
So, I got a tattoo hidden in my sleeve that represents me "Wearing my heart on my sleeve" but you can only see it sittin there if you know me well enough. See what I did there? Lol.

 ^Maybe this is it right here!^

Well I guess that's the end of this post... I'm gonna go see if there's still any Cap'n Crunch left! Ha!

Stay Up and Stay Tuned!

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Torn Apart (Thinkin to Myself)

What's goin on ya'll?
First and foremost, I know, I know.... I been MIA. I'm sorry, I haven't been finding the time to post these days. In fact I just deleted about 5 pending posts that I started but never revisited. So that should show you that I been tryin lol. Anyway, no excuses, I'll try to get back on it again.

But anyway, I just woke up from a 2-3 hour nap on the couch and as I got up and walked from one sleepin place to an another (my bed) I began to think to myself "Damn bruh, Saturday night, and you home?" Lol, yeah I am, and honestly I don't see anythin wrong with that, however I then thought to myself "It's time to find that significant other." Yeah, that's what this is about. I think I might have written about this before, but whatever, imma discuss it again.
I put on a real good front, but at the end of the day, when I'm going to sleep and I'm alone with my thoughts, I start to think that I'm gettin older and I need someone to laugh with, someone to roll with and someone to say good night to other than my boys and my family. It's funny cause people always tell you to enjoy being single and I KNOW that relationships are nothin but headaches and bullshit, but hey, I'm human, I want those headaches and that bullshit. I feel like Will Smith in "Hancock." Ya ever seen that movie? He was a super hero who never aged, but the closer he got to the love of his life, his other half, the more human he became losing his powers and all that. Being single is the equivalent to being the hero here, and bein honest, I don't mind losing my powers.

So I think about it, and for the first time ever I'm admitting that I must doing somethin wrong here. So I started to think back. The last 2 girls I was talkin to and gettin to know didn't work out. Wanna here how those two fell apart? Yeah sure I'll tell you.

The first one: We'd known each other for a while through some mutual friends and business partners, but we never really spoke til she started paying more attention to my tweets (or at least that's how I remember it.) So, me being who I am, I thought to myself "See what's up, maybe she likes you" and decided to give her my math. She was a lil hesitant to hit me up for whatever reason but she finally did and before you knew it we couldn't stop talkin on the phone. We hung out a few times and even started to express the fact that we were feelin each other and that it was quite possible that something more serious could come of this. But then she found out that I was a Mason. Nothin mattered after that. She couldn't shake the fact that I was down with the brothers and I feel that ultimately that led to her separating herself and leaving me to roam alone again. After it was all said and done I really didn't care, I figured "if she can't accept who and what I am then she's not the one for me anyway."

Then the second one: Again, we'd known each other for a while now, this time via the internet (Facebook and Twitter) we had been speakin a while back but it never really got passed any point other then phone conversations and texts. I had expressed to her that I liked her early in the game, cause I know how that friend zone works and I refuse to end up there anymore. So for whatever reason that died down. If I remember correctly, she went on vacation and we didn't speak much after she had returned. But like most things often change, so did our silence with each other. Not too long ago, I would say maybe 2 or 3 months, we had got back on the communication horse. We realized that we worked not too far from each other and set up an after work meet up. Finally after almost a year of knowing her simply through technology I met the person in the flesh. I remember thinkin to myself "Damn son, her pictures do her lil justice, she's beautiful in person" and we seemed to hit it off a lil bit. We took the train home a few times, I even walked her home the times that we did. I wouldn't say that things were getting serious or anything, but she knew I liked her and she admitted enjoyin speakin to me. So things were good til one day I realized a few days had passed without hearing from her. When I started hittin her up again I would get one word responses and very far and spaced out in between. So I thought to myself "I really don't wanna mess this one up, lemme hit her up and see what's wrong" and I asked her straight up if she'd lost interest in me cause that's the vibe I had gotten. She told me that she did, but that she was like that, she is the type to simply get bored with people and lose interest at the drop of a dime which I knew. But damn, I thought I had been keepin her attention well enough. Guess not huh? So I told her that I respected her honesty and moved on. Haven't spoken to her since.

So now here I am, alone, tired of bein alone and wondering where I went wrong. I came to only one conclusion.... See with both the girls I mentioned I can honestly say I did nothing wrong to lose em. I played my position and I feel I always play my position well. I didn't do too much nor did I do too little. I feel I was the well balanced guy that showed he is bf material. But I did see a similar behavior in myself with both situations that may be wrong on my behalf. My pride. Yeah.... that's a bitch right there, and I have pride for days! My whole "Oh it aint work out, fuck it" attitude. The whole "I ain't chasin nobody" thought process. I take a lot of pride in gettin the picture cause I know a lot of niggas aint like that. Some guys can be told straight up by a girl "please don't talk to me" and keep goin like shorty never even opened her mouth. And I be lookin like: "Damn nigga, where's your self respect? Keep it movin, she aint interested" but then weeks and or months later those are the same niggas you see with that same girl who shut 'em down.
So back to my first thought of maybe me being the one doin something wrong. Could that be it, could it be that I aint consistent with mine? Maybe I SHOULD be tryin to chase one (in this case in particular it would be the second one mentioned in the story, cause I actually miss her.) Maybe I should keep talkin after bein told "Don't talk to me." I play my position very well but I'm quick to bench myself after I miss a shot, and let's be honest, nobody gets to the championship that way.

So what do I do? Do I say "Fuck it, I'll get off the bench and back in the game someday" or do I say, "Nah, fuck that, I missed that shot but I aint out this game just yet!" I know my answer, but I keep thinkin every time I pick up the phone to text or call shorty I'm being annoyin, and that's never been my style. Am I supposed to feel that way? Maybe I can just try to make her laugh again and I'll be back in. Lol. I don't know man. But I do know one thing; a Saturday night alone is fine, but havin someone to share it with would be a million times better in my opinion. That's just me tho. Never been the Lone Wolf type, I always been more of a Lion. And the Lion might be King, but he wants his Queen there with em right?

Stay Up and Stay Tuned.