Sunday, June 26, 2011

Attn: (Ladies and Gentleman) Pt. II

Sup ya? As promised I'm here with Pt. II of this post.
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So Khaya was obviously annoyed, and she didn't have to tell me, it wasn't blatant, but it was written on her face. This is not the first time this has happened. I can remember every single time I've chilled with her and each time this has been an occurrence.
So she told me "I mean what good is all the attention if it's not from the person you seek it from? I can get all this attention from everyone and still feel lonely." Damn Love.... I feel you mama. This goes back to all the times I've spoken of human nature. You know how it goes, I like Kim, but Kim likes Shawn, all the while Melissa likes me but I aint interested in her. Shawn likes Jessica and ignores Kim, and in the end no one gets who they want. Aint that a bitch? We become infatuated with the one that ignores us, and ignore the one who is infatuated with us.

So I told her, I guess you have to at the very least appreciate that, because there is people who kill for that attention and go out of their way to get complimented. I then told her: "I don't get ANY attention from the opposite sex." She replied with "I don't believe that" proving yet again that woman's intuition is all too real. Lol, I guess I do get the attention from women, however it's not the attention I want. I told her about times I had to shut girls down because I wasn't feeling them as much as they were feeling me. This all lead to a simple question: "Is it better to receive all the attention in the world from the opposite sex, even if you never get it from the person you want it from? Or would you rather not get any attention at all? Interesting topic to say the least. Me personally? I guess I'm alright with not getting any attention as long as the one I'm paying attention to notices me.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Attention!

Sup Bull Penners? Aight, so initially I was going to make this a co-host thing and co-write this with my homie Khaya. However, after reading what she wrote I thought to myself that I'd only water it down if I posted my words alongside hers. So with that said, please enjoy, comment, and respond to her post. Tomorrow I'll post my words and thoughts on the subject, (possibly) along with a question. -Eno-
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It was a quiet evening in downtown NYC- warm, but not sticky, and right after the hustle and bustle of rush hour, so the serenity of the city resonated well with my friend Eno and I, as we strolled aimlessly past assorted eateries and shops. As we wandered, we passed a young male walking in the opposite direction, who suddenly began screaming and shrieking, seemingly at me. This strange, but ordinary reaction sparked a rhetorical question from my boy Eno. “I guess its something you get used to huh?” I thought pensively for a few minutes and replied, “Getting a lot of attention means nothing if it’s not received from who you’re seeking it.” Most people believe women love attention. And to an extent, this is accurate. On any given day, an (attractive) woman gets stared at, glared at, lusted over, holla’ed at, tweeted, poked, messaged, texted, about fifteen times a day. (Number based on my own personal experience) And when women get dressed in their favorite pair of heels, their most flattering dress, and style their hair to perfection, there is absolutely no feeling more affirming than to walk down a crowded street and be complimented by a complete stranger. If you’re a young woman, you walk away smiling to yourself and if you’re an older woman, you walk away smirking, thinking “I STILL got it!” Similar to being surprised with roses at work, unexpectedly (and genuinely) being complimented can truly brighten your day. Attention from the opposite sex can make one feel good and also give an ego boost.  But sometimes when the attention becomes too much, or it is someone you are least interested in, it becomes unbearable, annoying or even embarrassing. There are few instances more frustrating than being pursued by a person you barely even notice. After awhile, it’s frustrating, you stop smiling politely and start muttering “Why can’t I just be left alone?! All I want to do is walk down the street in peace! Is that so much to ask?! “One day, after a similar circumstance happened to me, I wondered if I would be so annoyed if the attention I was receiving was welcome. Would I have the same mind-set if I received these accolades by a person I actually had an interest in? And after thinking about it, the answer is no. It would mean the world to me if that one person I was attracted to would call text or compliment me all day long. But when the attention comes from someone whom you have absolutely no interest in, it falls on deaf ears. You’re too busy thinking about the one you’d rather be hearing it from to truly care. I think I can speak for most women when I say, we definitely want the love and attention from men, just not all men. We want attention from men we love and find our attractive, however the number of admirers women have tend NOT to fall in the category.

-Khaya-

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Father's Day

Ayo.... I'm sittin here, got Juno on my lap trying her hardest to console me...

I just reminded myself how emotional I am. I'm here tryna blast this music to escape my own mind and the thoughts that it's playing in my head. It's not working. I'm sitting here literally tryna "Man Up" and stop these tears from pouring down my face. I'm glad no one is here with me, cause I don't wanna have to answer anyone's questions, sittin here cryin like a lil kid. I guess it all finally hit me, I've finally broken down. But maybe writing about it will help some.

I had one of those in depth, heart to heart, son and mother conversations with mom early this morning. We were here on the couch just choppin it up about everything. We do this every once in a while. We broke night just talking, enjoying each others company. Of the topics, of course my father was one of em. I told my mom that I've given up on trying to be friends with him, I told her that I've tried to be the bigger man in the situation for far too long and now... I'm done. I'm gonna be 24 in August and in that time I can't remember ONE conversation that he and I have had, not even a "Hey, how's school son?" "Is that your girlfriend?" I mean damn fam, I live with the man. That shit hurts b! And even while I was talking to mom about it, I felt like I was puttin up a good front. I been hiding behind this chip tooth'd smile of mine for a very very long time. I woke up today after a night of hangin out with the fellas (Sue's fathers day cookout) and I got on facebook. Of course the trend is fathers day. Everyone wishing their father a Happy Fathers day, people wishing all the fathers of the world a Happy Fathers day, posting pictures of them and heir fathers, or just their father as their default. The web is just filled with love to the men who have been there for their children right now. And all that did for me was remind me of the only picture I have of my old man sitting me on his lap as a kid. He has a smile from ear to ear, and I promise you that's a man that I no longer know. I gave all my niggas daps and hugs last night. Reg, Perse, Penny, I even wished Melissa a Happy fathers Day. Dirt wasn't there but happy father's day nigga! Mayo, Killa, Happy father's day to ya as well. My big brother Chris (CFK,)  Happy Fathers day broski. And thinkin about it reminded me of the relationship I have with mine. My mom left with my little brother to Honduras back in April. The 13th to be exact, and whether you believe it or not that's the last time me and my father have spoken any words between us. And to top it off it was a big fight where we all but physically hit each other. Can you picture living with a person that you haven't said peep to in over 2 months and very little before then? I talk my shit, and I say what I say, but the ONE person I can't  lie to is myself. I love my father, I do, and I sincerely appreciate all he's ever done for me, and will continue to do for me. But I can't lie to myself and tell myself that I like him and its because he's so damn cold with me and the family. He's the life of the party with his friends, smiles and jokes and laughs, but at home is a straight faced mute that gives us (his family) the feeling that we're a severe burden on him. What did I do? What did we do?

Like I said, I been frontin for some time now.... I miss my pops man, I want him back, and quite frankly I've been treating this relationship like glass. It's broken, and we can try to glue it back all we want but once glass is broken, that's it. Right?
I don't know man. And by the way, I guess I found something that music and writing can't fix for me....
Took a lot for me to write this man, but when it's all said and done, These are just words.


Thursday, June 16, 2011

The World we Live In

Is the world where some people bring guns to the beach!

What's going on ya? I wasn't going to discuss this with ya, but It's really been bugging me long enough to the point where I figured: "If I'm still thinkin about it, might as well let it out the best way I know how..." In fact I'm still not ready to discuss it but I read a lil Facebook note the other day (from an author who shall remain nameless) that threw me over the top.
So here we are, sometime early last week I was sitting at home with my little brothers when Rudy informed me of a shooting at Brighten Beach in Brooklyn. You heard correct: Shooting at the beach. At first it sounded like some sort of strange joke, but he told me that a friend of his had been at the beach and was now on FaceBook cursing out the world because a friend of his had been killed and a few others had been wounded. Me being who I am I still couldn't process the idea of a gun at the beach. Well apparently something went wrong (as it often does when you get too many niggers at the same place at the same time) and gun shots rang out leaving 4 people wounded and a teenage girl dead. So my brain started to race trying to imagine what could possibly happen in someones life to make them paranoid enough to carry a gun to a beach. And then at the beach what could happen to make said person draw their weapon and shoot at (seemingly) innocent people?

I know what it was, "NOTHING" a whole bunch of nothing. Just some ignorant, dick headed, embarrassing ass, young NIGGA. A young nigga who felt the need to "Rep his hood." A young bastard who possibly can't even read well enough to learn where the gun originated. A stupid nigga that felt he was "Live" like these lil dick heads these days like to say. Maybe somebody scuffed his sneakers, are black people still gettin shot over that?

But there wasn't much need for my brain to over think. Why you ask? Because of course in today's world everyone has a camera phone and the sole intention behind fuckery is: "Imma put this on YouTube." Or, "Oh shit, imma upload this to World Star:" And sure enough that's what happened two different prospectives were recorded of the girls lifeless body on the ground surrounded by a million people and police and both videos were posted on YouTube and World Star Hip-Hop. Every body wants to be a reporter on the scene and all that's happening is an entire race of people racing for their demise being embarrassed and profiled along the way. Dude there's bitches out here in 2 piece bikinis and thongs, how could you possibly have any violent thoughts right now? It must have been the 102 degree weather huh?

But before I get even more heated and make this an issue about race, let's get into what it's really about. This generation: I apologize to those of you who are in the 13-20 age bracket who are like I and my friends were when we were that age. The ones who do what they have to without bothering people, without getting into trouble with the law, without feeling the need to fight with guns and knives instead of hands or even greater a mind. I apologize to you because what I am about to do is generalize and it won't feel good if you do not apply. However still bare with me because it needs to be said, and more importantly it needs to be heard.
You lil niggas aint shit! I mean call me old school, call me a grandfather or whatever, but I remember comin up if someone said "beach," I automatically thought: good times, smiles and sunshine, waves and babes. Yeah it sounds corny but in all my 23 years of livin I NEVER thought I'd hear about a shooting on the beach, because I could only think of all those things I just said and I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I spoke to Buddy about it and the only thing we could find ourselves stuck on was "Who brings a gun to the beach?"

I tell you man if it's this bad now I might as well not even bring children into this rotting world. I don't even know what I want to say anymore.
I guess all I can do is pray. pray to God that this is not the sign of the end but a sign that things have gotten so bad that they can only get better. Pray that these young black men stop trying there hardest to represent their so called block which they don't even pay rent on. Pray that someday soon one of these rappers with such a huge influence makes peace trendy... Am I reaching too far now? I hope not. To the young lady who lost her life that day on the beach, I'm pretty sure you walked out of your house thinking, "It's hot, let's go enjoy our day on the beach, it's gonna be a good day."  I'm sorry mama. To her family, I know it means little to nothing but I extend my condolences. I hope that you continue to have hope for this cruel world we've been forced to live on.

To the rest of you, anyone who is reading these words, to those of you who try to avoid the nonsense, to pretty much any and everyone please be safe, and remember the bigger picture in any situation. Nothing is worth you or your fellow mans life, at least not at your hands.

Stay Up and Stay Tuned.
P.S. Today Tupac Shakur would have been 40 years old had his life not been tragically taken in such an untimely fashion. R.I.P big homie, I'm sooo sorry to inform you that not much has changed since you left us 15 years ago.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Judge Dread

Aight ya'll I'm back but this time with someone else's words.... As you may or may not know Buddy has a blog and It's been a while since he updated it. So he extended the honor of re introducing it my way. So with no further a due, please check out this blog post that he wrote, and be on the lookout for his again:
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IM FEELIN LIKE A HARD-WORKIN MAN WHO CANT GET A LOAN BECAUSE OF HIS BAD CREDIT HISTORY. IM FEELIN LIKE A REHABILITATED FELON WHO'S DEFENSE DOESNT MATTER BECAUSE OF HIS RAP SHEET. SO I POSE A SERIES OF QWESTIONS, IS IT EVER TOO LATE TO CHANGE? AND IF SO, WHEN? WHEN DOES A MAN STOP BEIN JUDGED BY HIS PAST?
      MANY PEOPLE ABIDE BY THE AGE-OLD MANTRA "ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME". THEN WHY DO WE CONTINUE TO JUDGE EACH UTHA? THATS THE POT CALLIN THE KETTLE BLACK. SOME EVEN HAVE IT PERMANENTLY WRITTEN ON THEIR SKIN AS A CONSTANT REMINDER. ITS A GESTURE MORE COMMONLY SEEN AMONGST THOSE CONSIDERED "OUTCASTS", OR THOSE WIT A MORE CHALLENGING PAST WE'LL SAY.
   THEY SAY GOD IS COMING SOON, JUDGEMENT DAY IS UPON US. THE DAY WHEN THE WORLD ENDS, AND GOD TAKES ALL THE RIGHTEOUS WIT HIM TO HEAVEN. WHO DOES HE WANT TO TAKE WITH HIM? EVERYONE! UNFORTUNATELY, DAT WILL NOT BE THE CASE, EVEN GOD KNOWS DAT. HE KNEW LUCIFER WAS GONNA TURN ON HIM BEFORE HE DID, SAME STORY WITH JUDAS, BUT HE DIDNT PREVENT IT. WHY? BECAUSE WE ALL HAVE CHOICE, WITH DIS CHOICE SHOULD BE COUPLED WIT EFFORT, WHICH IS THE CATALYST TO AN AMELIORATE CHARACTER.
      U KNO Y WE ALL WONT MAKE IT TO HEAVEN? BECAUSE MANY DONT PUT THE EFFORT FORWARD. WE ARE IN A PROBATIONARY PERIOD WHERE WE HAVE TO MAKE OURSELVES RIGHT BEFORE THE END COMMENCES. HERES THE LOOP, JUDEGMENT
IS COMING ANYWAY. U FOLLOW?  GOD IS COMIN AT THE RIGHT TIME, WHEN HE KNOWS THOSE WHO WILL CHANGE, WILL CHANGE. THOSE HE KNOWS DAT WILL REMAIN THE SAME, WELL, WE KNO THEIR FATE.
      THIS ISNT A LESSON ON THE APOCALYPSE, THIS IS A DISSECTION ON THE CONCEPT OF JUDGMENT. AS AN ADULT, I AM HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR MY ACTIONS. THE LEAST I CAN DO IS OWN UP TO THEM AND ADMIT MY WRONGS.  IV DONE THINGS IN THE PAST DAT HAS AFFECTED MY PRESENT. IT DOESNT MEAN IM THE SAME PERSON I ONCE WAS, IT MEANS IV MADE MISTAKES. I HAVE A SIDE OF ME I HOPE NO ONE BECOMES FAMILIAR WIT. IF I TOLD U, U WOULDNT BELIEVE ITS THE SAME PERSON. IV HURT LOVED ONES AND HAVE HAD MY WHOLE CHARACTER IN QWESTION BECAUSE OF IT. BUT GOD IS GOOD, AND IM FINALLY AT PEACE. I HAVE A LOVING EAR AT HOME WHO HEARS ME OUT WHEN I NEED HER TO, BUT DIS WAS SUMPTIN I WAS COMPELLED TO SHARE. LOVE IS LOVE. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE IS IRRATIONAL. EVEN IF THERES SOMEONE U DONT CARE FOR MUCH TAKIN DAT STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION, DONT HOLD THE POLAROID OF TRANSGRESSION OVER THEIR HEAD, ENCOURAGE DEM & PRAY DAT THEYVE SUCCESSFULLY COMPLETED THEIR JOURNEY. AND IF THEYVE MADE IT, CONGRATULATE EM & PRAY THEY STAY THERE.

-BUDDAH-
http://mylezmeng.blogspot.com/